Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry 9lax9 hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(303): View more from Colorado

oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out

Fav 16 1005 3863
share tweet
(650): View more from California

I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese

Fav 11 3498 869
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(704): View more from North Carolina

ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'

Fav 39 1040 7115
share tweet
(843): View more from South Carolina

Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.

Fav 14 1009 4711
share tweet
(443): View more from Maryland

Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.

Fav 14 1526 4222
share tweet
(303): View more from Colorado

his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy

Fav 51 8768 2029
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(909): View more from California

The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."

Fav 20 9153 1824
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(586): View more from Michigan

I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.

Fav 2 333 122
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(847): View more from Illinois

Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?

Fav 0 14 41
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT