I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
