SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
