I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Gay?
German.
Pity.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
