guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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