also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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