Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
