I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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