Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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