PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
