please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
