i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
