I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
