Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
