Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Randomize
