so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
