Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
