ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
