Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Randomize
