Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You left your phone here
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