Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
