this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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