Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
