Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
