I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
