I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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