trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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