Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
