Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
and she was petting her beer can
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
