ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Randomize
