We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
