I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I love you. Go after that dick
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
