i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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