its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I just found puke in my bra..
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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