Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
