the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
