A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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