How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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