My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
