I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
