Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
