in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm bleeding and have questions
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
