blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
