Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
