between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Randomize
