I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
