You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
