Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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