so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Are we still banned from the library?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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