Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
