I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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